I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
