I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
