Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
