we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
