good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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