Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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