Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize