I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
