cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
