Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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