You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
