so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
