Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
