i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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