A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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