What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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