you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize