Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
