it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
