Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
