I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
