Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
