What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
