I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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