when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
