haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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