he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
