I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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