someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
