god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
