I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
