I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
