He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize