I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
