What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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