is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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