She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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