I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
