1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
