My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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