this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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