Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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