Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
