Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
