I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
