My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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