I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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