ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
