I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
