worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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