Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
