What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
