do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize