If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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