Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
