My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
