you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
