She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
