You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
