This is not my ceiling
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
