So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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