I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
