hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
