i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize