If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Boobs speak an international language.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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