On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
