next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
