ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
