This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
