Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
