come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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