3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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