I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
