it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
