we have pet lesbian snakes
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
