You did not just play the dead husband card again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
