What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
