she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
