I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
