I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
